Here I am. Just a soul in a body. Ever changing, ever growing. I strive to find moments that make me feel insignificant. There is something very powerful about that feeling.
I catch myself enjoying this feeling. Now, while this may seem like the opposite of everything we hear like “ you are enough” and “you are worthy”.. I don’t mean it like that. I mean, we truly are just little sacks of skin and guts floating on a rock through a never ending void of distance and time.
Why did I get so existential and depressing immediately, you ask? Well for me its not. For me this is what I use as a mantra, as a feeling I seek out to make me realize that whatever it was that I complained about for a week straight or whatever goal it was that I claim to have failed at, just doesn’t matter.
It matters to an extent… but then you are allowed to let it go.
Our bodies aren’t there for clout or to help us be funny, charming, etc. They just carry us. While this may feel weird as an introduction to who I am, to me, Its’ exactly what you all need to know about me.
I was born here in Johnson City, Tn. I haven’t really ever left, except when I was very young to Texas, and then for college (if an hour and half away counts). I have always been my “father’s daughter”. Taking on all the best things about him and probably some of the not so great parts too.
My grandmother is to thank for my love of Photography. She never left her house without a camera and some film or a disposable for us to pass around at the creek, camping, or whatever adventure we happened to be on. I remember my first camera was a cheap gold Canon 35mm camera that I would keep hanging from my wrist everywhere I went. At the time we lived on a large piece of property we were renting. It had a couple barns, a large amount of cows, and plenty of places for a feral Brandi to wander around. It was there on that property that I lost my first camera down the hole of a groundhog…. I cannot make this up.
I was genuinely in belief that if I got close enough to the hole, he would come out and say “cheese” for the camera. The wrist strap I always had on, wasn’t… I imagine that camera still lives there in the ground with some introductory level film shots from little me… and maybe a few from that groundhog (at least I used to imagine he was giving it a better life)
Fast forward through several years of a pretty dysfunctional family, drug abuse, a church chokehold, living with and without parents, striving for attention through being “the good girl” and basically never really knowing who or what I wanted to be… or having time to even think outside of survival mode…. I made my way to college.
Here is where I have a very cliche Finding Myself story. I got an art scholarship and wanted to be an art restorationist. Then I decided I couldn’t give up photography so I pursued that along side painting, eventually finding that everything I wanted to paint was symbolic, feminine, bodyscapes. I was heavily inspired by Albert Arthur Allen, whom some consider the founder of Boudoir in the early 1920’s.
Archival Image of Albert Arthur Allens work.
Boudoir, at the time, was very much still taboo. It was a niche that not many photographers were brave enough to take on, but I was so curious. Add in my fearlessness of being outted from a “Christian” College and my rebel mentality, and there was no stopping me. There was also a very big difference in what boudoir was prior to the “Body Positivity movement”, which I believe caught on a bit later into Instagram and other social media outlets that allowed it to thrive.
For our Senior Art Show, I had numerous painting and a selection of images that went through an approval stage with professors, all to be approved, but required to be censored with post-its…. you know, to give the people an option to see a nipple or not. I was also required to write a “Viewer Discretion Advised” warning in my entryway introduction of myself. It was a fun show to say the least, but I made it and it seemed to have been the bit of an extra kick in my ass to push me to pursue Boudoir even further.
Another fast forward into my twenties…I met my now husband during college (My marriage and relationship will come as a separate post) moved back to my hometown with him, shot mostly weddings and random things for awhile, and worked retail to sustain my still just “hobby” of photography.
I’ll admit making money was an obvious priority and becoming a business owner just felt silly still, as I wasn’t very confident in anything I was doing at the time (except partying). I didn’t take boudoir serious, and I was literally terrified to start a boudoir business in this small southern town. So I shot some cheap marathons here and there at different venues and outdoor locations and over time, the feedback I was receiving was nothing short of life changing.
It wasn’t until the summer of 2016 when I met a stranger on instagram (Logan Fillers) and creepily dropped into her Dm’s. I asked if she would model for me and to my surprise she was immediately on board, so we met up one day and headed to a river. Looking back now, I’m honestly not sure what it was about this session that felt different for me, but I know I was inspired, passionate, and fucking determined to CREATE, use my knowledge of my camera (which I felt like I ignored for so long) and make my model feel like a babe. These were some of the first images that really pushed me to establish Unbound Images and start booking clients…
By 2017 I had my first studio and had eliminated as much other photography genres as I could from my offerings. I was focusing on Boudoir solely and began to educate myself more on self-love, body image, and the WHY behind what I was doing.
The interesting part about these next few years was that I was producing some of my best images, making money with 2 full-time jobs, navigating a marriage I thought I didn’t want to be in, and honestly was incredibly lost and unhappy. I’ll skip a lot of that for now, but just know that I only THOUGHT I loved myself until I really started showing other women how to do it too.
Since then, I’ve met and partnered with my dream makeup artist, moved into our 3rd studio, been certified to teach self-love on an adult and child level, been published in magazines, traveled to several states for boudoir, shot hundreds of women, men, and couples, and I’ve personally lived several lives, growing and changing with my business.
I’ve had a lot of photos taken of myself, some I’ve even taken. Have they made me love myself completely? Not yet. Do I love my body in all of them? Of course not. But will I continue using them as a gateway to healing and learning about myself? Fuck yea.
Boudoir has been a passion project for me. A way of finding myself and how I fit in as woman and creative. It has taught me that there is SO MUCH more to us as humans than the skin we live in. It has taught me that I can be an inspiration and motivator for others and that role is probably what I will always be destined for… as cliche as that may sound.
I’ve been through almost every obstacle this business can throw at me. I’ve wanted to quit, I’ve wanted to do too much, I’ve failed, and I’ve had years where I felt I had peaked. Although this feels like a lot to read and know about me, I think knowing how incredibly life-saving this “business” has been for me as it’s owner, is just as important as knowing how important Boudoir can be for you. The experience and continued education about self-love and body image is the reason I do this, the images are just a bonus.
